Filtering by Category: living an artful life
Heave
I have always been impressed by trees that dig down so deep with their roots that they begin to heave up on the surface. I suppose it's because they hit the Tennessee limestone. -- they remind me that the deeper our roots of traditions and history can be - the more likely they are to push up and become visible to others.
Listen. Listen. Listen.
Several years ago I read a book by world renowned sports agent, Bob Woolf titled Friendly Persuasion. The tenets of that book and the very simple markers that it taught me have given me confidence to approach most any conversation.
Here is one: Listen. Listen. Listen.
When I want to let the other side know my goals instead of making demands, I make suggestions, I make recommendations, and I make proposals. "May I suggest this?" is so much more graceful than "This is what I want." "Could you live with this?" "Does this make sense?" "Is this alright with you?" "Is this crazy?" are all preferable to "You better do this or else." If I have come to what is my final position, I will most likely say, "I hope you understand, this is the best I can do, I hope we will be able to work together."
Take stock in your voice and how you express yourself. A good negotiator uses a nice, low-keyed, pleasant voice to his/her best advantage. Speak slowly, clearly, it is your most important tool. Remember to have kindness in your voice. It is something that people respond to.
Listen. Listen. Listen. The best way to learn a person's positions, problems, traits, likes and dislikes is to listen intently.
Let them talk. They may reveal some information you may not have gotten if you had interrupted. Use silence as a strategy to plan your next move, not just time out between soliloquies. It is simply impossible to act sincerely interested in what somebody is saying or offering if you monopolize the conversation. Let your own silence speak for you occasionally.
THERE ARE FOUR GOOD REASONS FOR SILENCE IN NEGOTIATION:
One, it may keep you from spouting off and saying the wrong thing.
Two, by being silent, you may create the impression that you are agreeing with your prospect. This can create leverage for you as well as put the other side at ease. And, most importantly, it can afford you the opportunity to find out what they really want.
Three, by being silent, you show yourself to be deliberate and not rash.
Four, silence gives the other side their time to voice out without being interrupted, something they are sure to appreciate.
Advice From a Champion
The second of a three-part Sports Series
Billy Jean King is a champion.
Sep 20, 1973 : King had already won 10 singles championships when 30,492 fans squeezed into the Houston Astrodome to witness the so-called “Battle of the Sexes,” while an estimated 90 million people worldwide watched on television. Normally a serve-and-volley player, King made a conscious effort to wear Riggs down with baseline rallies. ..more from the History Channel
King retired from competitive singles tennis in 1983, having won 12 major titles, including six Wimbledons and four U.S. Opens. She also helped found a women’s players union, a women’s sports magazine, a nonprofit advocacy group for female athletes and a team tennis league. Yet she still remains best known for a single victory.
“I know that when I die, nobody at my funeral will be talking about me,” she once said. “They’ll all just be standing around telling each other where they were the night I beat Bobby Riggs.”
.. Not so Billy Jean, we'll be talking about you for a long time to come. However, I was nine years old and watched the last set with my mother.
Here are three tips from Billy Jean King to consider as you volley through your life:
1. Bring All of Yourself: Preparation in practice is the key to bringing all of yourself. Some players try to hold back in practice, saving their “best” for the match. Champions don’t. If you don’t practice with the same intensity that you plan to bring to the match, you can undermine your performance.
2. See It Happen to Make It Happen: Before the Battle of the Sexes with Bobby Riggs, King mentally pictured herself in a rally, running down shots, making the right decisions. She pictured how she would serve and where she would place the ball. She worked to control her thoughts about the match and think positively at all times. Visualization helped prepare her for many of the eventualities of the match.
3. Never Underestimate Your Opponent: “I think it is far better to overestimate your opponent than to underestimate him or her. My parents taught me to prepare to bring your ‘A’ game to everything, which shows respect for your opponent and yourself.”
( from the book Pressure is a Privilege by Billy Jean King and Christine Brennen and the Championship Performance newsletter):
volley |ˈvälē|
noun ( pl. volleys )
1 a number of bullets, arrows, or other projectiles discharged at one time: the infantry let off a couple of volleys.
• a series of utterances directed at someone in quick succession: he unleashed a volley of angry questions.
• Tennis an exchange of shots.
2 (in sports, esp. tennis or soccer) a strike or kick of the ball made before it touches the ground.